I finished Bruce Campbell’s “Make Love: the Bruce Campbell Way” a few days ago.
Unlike his other book “If Chins Could Kill, Confessions of a B-Movie Actor” this is a piece of fiction which sees a fictional Campbell cast as one of the main actors in a big money romantic comedy. The fictional movie, “Let’s Make Love,” is being directed by Oscar-winning director Mike Nichols and stars Richard Gere and Rene Zellwegger.
Campbell fears that he’s not prepared to work with such luminaries so he goes to extreme lengths to prepare for his role as a wise, Southern doorman.
Of course, everything that can go wrong does. Through his own ineptitude and bad luck something as simple as learning how to be a doorman, results in Campbell tackling former Secretary of State Colin Powell, starring in a pornographic movie, getting shot in an old fashioned pistol duel, playing catch with John Dillinger’s penis and so on.
It’s all rather wacky but it is enjoyable. Campbell is an average writer but more importantly, he’s slapstick funny and very personable. Reading the book is almost like sitting down for a beer with him and having him tell you about all the stuff that can go wrong on a B-movie. Who wouldn’t love that?
The horror factor is nil, but the Campbell factor is high which makes “Make Love” a quick enjoyable read.
http://www.amazon.com/Make-Love-Bruce-Campbell-Way/dp/0312312601
Monday, October 26, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Here is a recent post to a horror movie Web site I visit. The question was how much further can the mainstream torture-porn movies go (ie. Saw, Hostel, Captive and so on).
Great question!
Seems that human feces, erections, on screen sexual penetration, graphic violence towards children, children in obscene onscreen sexual situations and graphic violence presented too realistically are still taboo, but the Motion Picture Association of America is a fickle beast.
For example, in 1999 they slapped the Oscar-winning "Boy's Don't Cry" with an NC-17 because a woman had an onscreen orgasm that was too long. This seems like an odd thing to focus on when the movie also features the graphic rape and then shooting of the main character.
But I digress, most of the above taboos have already been smashed outside of mainstream torture porn productions. As early as the late 1700s, The Marquis De Sade was writing pornographic novels featuring pederasty, coprophagy and the killing of children (if I remember correctly, in"120 Days of Sodom"; a baby is skewered on a pike and then tossed into a fire). Today you can find similar writings on Amazon in the form of Splatterpunk. Eli Roth has nothing on these guys and gals.
Independent unrated horror movies aren't far behind. The first torture porn guru had to be Herschell Gordon Lewis who started torturing topless women in the late 60's. Although, the gore was cheesy the scenes were quite graphic and the camera didn't turn away as knives, pliers and other implements pierced, sawed and gouged human flesh in extended and grotesque detail. He paved the way for other nastiness: coprophagic "Salo"; dismembering "Flowers of Flesh and Blood"; nipple slicing "New York Ripper"; metal pipe erection sex "Nekromatik"; necrophilac "Aftermath", and the rape filled "August Underground." Neither James Wan nor Rob Zombie want to touch what these freaks above have done.
So back to the question, how far will torture porn go? I think mainstream torture porn has almost gone as far as it possibly can. The MPAA seems pretty friendly to the captivity and torture of women but, for better or worse, I don't think they'll let it go much further than they already have. Maybe they'll open up a bit on the torture of men, perhaps a more audibly shocking off-camera genital mutilation or a bit more extreme male on male rape. Again, for better or worse, I can also see them allowing a bit more violence and sexual victimization towards children but not by very much.
The indies however, again for better or worse, will just keep pushing as long as there is an audience for their goods.
Great question!
Seems that human feces, erections, on screen sexual penetration, graphic violence towards children, children in obscene onscreen sexual situations and graphic violence presented too realistically are still taboo, but the Motion Picture Association of America is a fickle beast.
For example, in 1999 they slapped the Oscar-winning "Boy's Don't Cry" with an NC-17 because a woman had an onscreen orgasm that was too long. This seems like an odd thing to focus on when the movie also features the graphic rape and then shooting of the main character.
But I digress, most of the above taboos have already been smashed outside of mainstream torture porn productions. As early as the late 1700s, The Marquis De Sade was writing pornographic novels featuring pederasty, coprophagy and the killing of children (if I remember correctly, in"120 Days of Sodom"; a baby is skewered on a pike and then tossed into a fire). Today you can find similar writings on Amazon in the form of Splatterpunk. Eli Roth has nothing on these guys and gals.
Independent unrated horror movies aren't far behind. The first torture porn guru had to be Herschell Gordon Lewis who started torturing topless women in the late 60's. Although, the gore was cheesy the scenes were quite graphic and the camera didn't turn away as knives, pliers and other implements pierced, sawed and gouged human flesh in extended and grotesque detail. He paved the way for other nastiness: coprophagic "Salo"; dismembering "Flowers of Flesh and Blood"; nipple slicing "New York Ripper"; metal pipe erection sex "Nekromatik"; necrophilac "Aftermath", and the rape filled "August Underground." Neither James Wan nor Rob Zombie want to touch what these freaks above have done.
So back to the question, how far will torture porn go? I think mainstream torture porn has almost gone as far as it possibly can. The MPAA seems pretty friendly to the captivity and torture of women but, for better or worse, I don't think they'll let it go much further than they already have. Maybe they'll open up a bit on the torture of men, perhaps a more audibly shocking off-camera genital mutilation or a bit more extreme male on male rape. Again, for better or worse, I can also see them allowing a bit more violence and sexual victimization towards children but not by very much.
The indies however, again for better or worse, will just keep pushing as long as there is an audience for their goods.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Crying like a big baby
Last time I mention it, still screwed up over the dumping but I now understand why. When dumping someone don’t say or intimate that you don’t love the dumpee. Do anything but that.
Lie, tell them you cheated on them 5,000 times and every time was better than anything you ever did with them. Tell them you’re a government agent who is being sent on a secret mission to Mars and you’ll never be seen nor heard from ever, ever again. Tell them you have the HERP and don’t want to get them sick. Tell them you’re joining the priesthood or becoming a nun.
Tell them the truth, they are far too fat, thin, ugly, handsome, rich, poor, drunk, sober, unmotivated, motivated, tall or short…whatever.
That being said, a few posts ago I said the experience was not a learning one; it obviously was.
What I’ve learned leads me to ask if I’ve ever told a dumpee that I didn’t love them. I can’t recall all the specifics to the end of every relationship, seems I may have come close with Lady Deutschland and Lady E, but if I ever said this or intimated it…I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. I loved all of you in someway.
On the subject of relationships that have ended, in these here modern times I feel that it’s way harder to just up and forget about someone because of all the ways we have of communicating. Tweets, texts, facebook statuses, e-mails, instant messages, Youtube videos, blogs, message boards, online photo galleries and so on. Back in the day, you could just cut the faces of your ex out of group photos and erase their number off the autodial on your spiffy new non-rotary phone. If they sent you a letter, you could fire up the BBQ and burn that and anything else they may have given you. It was easy!
It’s a lot harder to burn a digital footprint. I’ve yet to remove Lady X’s e-mail address from my Yahoo account so every time we’re both logged on she pops up in the stupid instant message window as a little yellow smiley face. When I see the little smiley I immediately begin crying like a big baby. That’s not true…okay maybe I cry a little, but that’s not the point. The point is that it does get me thinking about her which is not conducive to forgetting about her.
Just fixed that…erased the Youtube movies I had of her and deleted her name from my e-mail. Here’s to moving on: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xstpe_mark-morrison-return-of-the-mack_music
Lie, tell them you cheated on them 5,000 times and every time was better than anything you ever did with them. Tell them you’re a government agent who is being sent on a secret mission to Mars and you’ll never be seen nor heard from ever, ever again. Tell them you have the HERP and don’t want to get them sick. Tell them you’re joining the priesthood or becoming a nun.
Tell them the truth, they are far too fat, thin, ugly, handsome, rich, poor, drunk, sober, unmotivated, motivated, tall or short…whatever.
That being said, a few posts ago I said the experience was not a learning one; it obviously was.
What I’ve learned leads me to ask if I’ve ever told a dumpee that I didn’t love them. I can’t recall all the specifics to the end of every relationship, seems I may have come close with Lady Deutschland and Lady E, but if I ever said this or intimated it…I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. I loved all of you in someway.
On the subject of relationships that have ended, in these here modern times I feel that it’s way harder to just up and forget about someone because of all the ways we have of communicating. Tweets, texts, facebook statuses, e-mails, instant messages, Youtube videos, blogs, message boards, online photo galleries and so on. Back in the day, you could just cut the faces of your ex out of group photos and erase their number off the autodial on your spiffy new non-rotary phone. If they sent you a letter, you could fire up the BBQ and burn that and anything else they may have given you. It was easy!
It’s a lot harder to burn a digital footprint. I’ve yet to remove Lady X’s e-mail address from my Yahoo account so every time we’re both logged on she pops up in the stupid instant message window as a little yellow smiley face. When I see the little smiley I immediately begin crying like a big baby. That’s not true…okay maybe I cry a little, but that’s not the point. The point is that it does get me thinking about her which is not conducive to forgetting about her.
Just fixed that…erased the Youtube movies I had of her and deleted her name from my e-mail. Here’s to moving on: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xstpe_mark-morrison-return-of-the-mack_music
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!
Big storm crashed into the city last night, lots of rain and wild wind. It’s still hitting us hard and Sacramento , being a floodplain, is filling up like a big basin. It happens every year, but still local drivers lose their heads. Collisions, spinouts and backups are the rule of the day.
When it’s like this I trade my regular bike ride to work for a light rail ticket. It keeps me dry and sometimes I find a little bit of god.
This morning I had a rather lengthy “stranger waiting for the train” conversation with a Jehovah’s Witness. I must admit his opening was pretty good.
Him: Going to work?
Me: Yup.
Him: While you’re waiting…
At this point he handed me a small brochure. On the front there is an illustration of a smiling man and woman in an idyllic mountain field. They’re surrounded by plump pumpkins, bright red apples and flowers. Behind them is a two story log cabin and a large moose. Yes, a moose. The moose really draws the eye because he’s right smack dab in the middle and he’s the biggest thing in the picture.
Anyway enough with the moose, the top of the brochure reads “All Suffering SOON TO END!”
Him: What do you think about that?
Me: That be great!
Him: Wouldn’t it be. What do you think causes all the suffering in the world?
Me: Greed.
Him: Funny you should say that, in chapter so and so of so and so…(flips open a well worn bible protected in a spiffy black leather case.)
He goes on to tell me that greed is one of the reasons the world, as we know it, is going to end in the very near future.
Okay…Wait, what? The world is going to end!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I mean come on, the end of the world is a scary thing. It seems odd to sell a religion like you would sell a fallout shelter.
Salesman: Nuclear war is right around the corner my friend.
Me: Really? Wow, umm…how can you be so sure?
Salesman: You don’t want your family to die an agonizingly painful irradiated death, cooked flesh hanging from their bleached white bones, do you?
Me: HOLY CRAP! Give me 10 of those shelters and throw in a couple of those water purification systems.
Great strategy for getting someone to buy something, but it’s dirty pool. I guess that’s another reason I’ve never been turned on to religion, the fearmongering.
Anywho, saw “Zombieland” the other day, fun movie. It doesn’t try to imitate the masterful “Shaun of the Dead” which everyone seemed worried about. Instead it does its own thing and has fun with it.
I leave you with a Paul Krugman essay, a little ditty that illustrates how the GOP is going batshit fucking crazy.
When it’s like this I trade my regular bike ride to work for a light rail ticket. It keeps me dry and sometimes I find a little bit of god.
This morning I had a rather lengthy “stranger waiting for the train” conversation with a Jehovah’s Witness. I must admit his opening was pretty good.
Him: Going to work?
Me: Yup.
Him: While you’re waiting…
At this point he handed me a small brochure. On the front there is an illustration of a smiling man and woman in an idyllic mountain field. They’re surrounded by plump pumpkins, bright red apples and flowers. Behind them is a two story log cabin and a large moose. Yes, a moose. The moose really draws the eye because he’s right smack dab in the middle and he’s the biggest thing in the picture.
Anyway enough with the moose, the top of the brochure reads “All Suffering SOON TO END!”
Him: What do you think about that?
Me: That be great!
Him: Wouldn’t it be. What do you think causes all the suffering in the world?
Me: Greed.
Him: Funny you should say that, in chapter so and so of so and so…(flips open a well worn bible protected in a spiffy black leather case.)
He goes on to tell me that greed is one of the reasons the world, as we know it, is going to end in the very near future.
Okay…Wait, what? The world is going to end!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I mean come on, the end of the world is a scary thing. It seems odd to sell a religion like you would sell a fallout shelter.
Salesman: Nuclear war is right around the corner my friend.
Me: Really? Wow, umm…how can you be so sure?
Salesman: You don’t want your family to die an agonizingly painful irradiated death, cooked flesh hanging from their bleached white bones, do you?
Me: HOLY CRAP! Give me 10 of those shelters and throw in a couple of those water purification systems.
Great strategy for getting someone to buy something, but it’s dirty pool. I guess that’s another reason I’ve never been turned on to religion, the fearmongering.
Anywho, saw “Zombieland” the other day, fun movie. It doesn’t try to imitate the masterful “Shaun of the Dead” which everyone seemed worried about. Instead it does its own thing and has fun with it.
I leave you with a Paul Krugman essay, a little ditty that illustrates how the GOP is going batshit fucking crazy.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Being dumped sucks, but I’m sure most people already know that.
I’ve been surprised how anxious Lady X not loving me has made me. However, it’s not so much about her, it’s about me. I’m anxious about never being loved. I supposed this is a normal fear after the collapse of a relationship and is ridiculous or is it?
Anyway, I don’t want to make this blog about…Shit, just heard that an earthquake has hit Indonesia, one of the countries Lady X is visiting on her vacation. She focused on Bali which is far to the east of the where the quake actually hit, a place called Pendang. Still, I don’t know her exact itinerary. I’ve tried to contact someone else who knows her to see if they know exactly where she was headed and when.
Just heard back, the mutual friend believes she isn’t in Indonesia yet. Good.
I was going to write about the beginning of this Fall’s Ultimate Frisbee season, but that will have to wait because I just got back from my second day of playing in a week and I need to shower.
I’ve been surprised how anxious Lady X not loving me has made me. However, it’s not so much about her, it’s about me. I’m anxious about never being loved. I supposed this is a normal fear after the collapse of a relationship and is ridiculous or is it?
Anyway, I don’t want to make this blog about…Shit, just heard that an earthquake has hit Indonesia, one of the countries Lady X is visiting on her vacation. She focused on Bali which is far to the east of the where the quake actually hit, a place called Pendang. Still, I don’t know her exact itinerary. I’ve tried to contact someone else who knows her to see if they know exactly where she was headed and when.
Just heard back, the mutual friend believes she isn’t in Indonesia yet. Good.
I was going to write about the beginning of this Fall’s Ultimate Frisbee season, but that will have to wait because I just got back from my second day of playing in a week and I need to shower.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
SUUURRRRPPRRISSEEEE!!!
Last Thursday was Lady X’s birthday and I was pumped because I had gotten her a really kick ass gift. I had put a lot of thought and hard work into pulling it together and it had turned out even better than I expected.
Well, it turns out the gift was too good. Yes, too good. The day after giving it to her she broke my heart again. It seems that after getting the heartwarming gift she realized, yet again, that she wasn’t as vested in the relationship as me. Yet again, she told me I wasn’t the one and that she had “really tried to love me” but she just couldn’t make it happen.
This time she left little doubt that this was it, the end, the finale, the conclusion, the denouement. Her words and the fact that even as I post this she’s zooming across the Pacific Ocean to spend two weeks in Thailand with an ex-boyfriend lead me to believe that she’s probably right.
In reality I saw it coming. After 5 months of dating she never told me she loved me and she let it be know on numerous occasions that she had always pictured herself marrying rich. Add to that that her past boyfriends include doctors, lawyers, the great looking cop and politicians and her breaking up with a “great guy” like myself no longer seems like such a stretch.
The whole big bag of shit pretty much leaves me with that…shit. At 35, this isn’t a learning experience; I already know that women find good looking, successful men more attractive. It’s also not an invitation to better things, unless better things include alcoholism and Internet pornography.
Speaking of which…
Well, it turns out the gift was too good. Yes, too good. The day after giving it to her she broke my heart again. It seems that after getting the heartwarming gift she realized, yet again, that she wasn’t as vested in the relationship as me. Yet again, she told me I wasn’t the one and that she had “really tried to love me” but she just couldn’t make it happen.
This time she left little doubt that this was it, the end, the finale, the conclusion, the denouement. Her words and the fact that even as I post this she’s zooming across the Pacific Ocean to spend two weeks in Thailand with an ex-boyfriend lead me to believe that she’s probably right.
In reality I saw it coming. After 5 months of dating she never told me she loved me and she let it be know on numerous occasions that she had always pictured herself marrying rich. Add to that that her past boyfriends include doctors, lawyers, the great looking cop and politicians and her breaking up with a “great guy” like myself no longer seems like such a stretch.
The whole big bag of shit pretty much leaves me with that…shit. At 35, this isn’t a learning experience; I already know that women find good looking, successful men more attractive. It’s also not an invitation to better things, unless better things include alcoholism and Internet pornography.
Speaking of which…
Friday, September 18, 2009
Scum
First post in ages, but I swear I really have been busy. I took a business trip to San Diego and it totally put me behind both at work and at home.
Saw “District 9” with my Dad a week or so after it came out. Awesome! Definitely worth seeing on the big screen. Great story, superb acting, exciting, fresh and even moving. Very well done.
In other news, another scumbag politician was outed recently. Appears Republican Mike Duvall of Orange County was sharing the down and dirty of his sexual exploits during a committee hearing while his microphone was on. Oh, and they weren’t with his wife but two lobbyists. Oops! Like the Slick Willy-Monica Lewinsky fiasco there are some who still believe that cheating by elected officials is a private matter to be handled between the husband and the wife. I still disagree.
I’ll attempt to set aside my disgust for lecherous adulterers and their total lack of honor and respect so that I can make a sane argument as to why it’s important actions like this are publicized.
A cheating elected official does not just break trust with his spouse but also with his constituency. To get elected, he (I’ll use the masculine because I’ve yet to hear of a female politician doing this) knowingly presents voters with a fanciful façade of himself. Voters, liking what they see, vote him into office or in other words hire him to represent them in very, very important matters. The job he’s hired to do requires him to be honest, intelligent and honorable.
When he is found to be cheating on his wife it’s revealed that he’s lied on his resume and that he no longer meets the requirements for the job he was hired for. Hence he should be thrown out of office on his ass.
Look, I wouldn’t knowingly hire Bernie Madoff to invest my money, nor Michael Vick to watch my pets. I also wouldn’t hire a liar and a cheat to make political decisions concerning my best interests.
Anyway here’s a little Internet joy, Bat Fight starring Will Ferrell.
Saw “District 9” with my Dad a week or so after it came out. Awesome! Definitely worth seeing on the big screen. Great story, superb acting, exciting, fresh and even moving. Very well done.
In other news, another scumbag politician was outed recently. Appears Republican Mike Duvall of Orange County was sharing the down and dirty of his sexual exploits during a committee hearing while his microphone was on. Oh, and they weren’t with his wife but two lobbyists. Oops! Like the Slick Willy-Monica Lewinsky fiasco there are some who still believe that cheating by elected officials is a private matter to be handled between the husband and the wife. I still disagree.
I’ll attempt to set aside my disgust for lecherous adulterers and their total lack of honor and respect so that I can make a sane argument as to why it’s important actions like this are publicized.
A cheating elected official does not just break trust with his spouse but also with his constituency. To get elected, he (I’ll use the masculine because I’ve yet to hear of a female politician doing this) knowingly presents voters with a fanciful façade of himself. Voters, liking what they see, vote him into office or in other words hire him to represent them in very, very important matters. The job he’s hired to do requires him to be honest, intelligent and honorable.
When he is found to be cheating on his wife it’s revealed that he’s lied on his resume and that he no longer meets the requirements for the job he was hired for. Hence he should be thrown out of office on his ass.
Look, I wouldn’t knowingly hire Bernie Madoff to invest my money, nor Michael Vick to watch my pets. I also wouldn’t hire a liar and a cheat to make political decisions concerning my best interests.
Anyway here’s a little Internet joy, Bat Fight starring Will Ferrell.
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