I recently took the Staff Services Analyst Transfer Exam for the state of California.This isn’t the regular online version of the test but a 75 question,three hour version. The reason I was subjected to this torture has something to do with there being surplus state employees, a State Restriction of Appointments list and some other human resources mumbo jumbo.

I passed, but I must admit this test was not easy. There were three other test takers besides myself and we all used just about all of the three hours allotted to us. Approximately 65 percent of the test is math based, including a bit of geometry, algebra and a lot of statistics. Specifically, the exam has three sections with 25 questions each, all multiple choice….but don’t let that fool you.

I wasn’t sure what to expect going in but I was provided with a hyperlink to the official study guide put out by the State Personnel Board. This study guide includes nine questions and is a complete joke when measured against the real test. If you’re forced into taking this test, do not use the study guide to determine whether you’re ready or not. If the study guide was the only thing I looked over I would have failed.

Luckily, my new boss connected me with two people who had recently taken the test and they filled me in on what’s really going on. Here’s what they told me and what I discovered to be true:

• The test will take 3 hours.
• Know how to do pretty much everything that involves a percentage, i.e. find a percentage, turn a percentage into a fraction, turn a fraction into a percentage and so on.
• Restudy mean, median, mode and variance.
• Restudy basic geometry, especially how to find area and perimeter.
• Brush up on basic algebra.

I was actually told I needed to take the test two days before it was being offered. Having been out of basic math classes for a long time and accustomed to using a computer program to do most math, I knew I would need to study. I hit the books for a good two evenings, using the Web site www.mathisfun.com and downloading a few percentage worksheets from the site http://www.mathgoodies.com . I ran over these several times each and was pretty confident going in.

The last part of the test is composed of project planning questions. Each set of questions will begin with a hypothetical situation, for example: “Your manager has asked you to head a project involving three other employees.” Then the question might be something like: “What’s the first thing you do?”

I already have a kind of project planning background so I didn’t study for these. The only thing I can suggest is that when planning a project don’t be afraid to ask your manager questions, don’t restart the whole process if something goes wrong and always make sure to meet yourdeadlines.

Good luck!

I'm Batman

So, last night I had a dream that I was standing in for Batman.

Now, I wasn’t Batman but I guess because I have the skills and the body (what are you laughing about) to be Batman, Batman chose me to play him when he couldn’t show up for an event because he had the flu or a hangover or whatever. I had the armor, mask, utility belt, all of it; anyone who saw me would think I was Batman.

Anyway, I was at a meeting of some type with various law enforcement officials and I was trying to be mysterious and menacing. This meeting was in a shadowy warehouse and I stalked around glaring first from one shadow and then another.

At some point in time I must have set down my cell phone on a table near where the main speaker of the meeting (Commissioner Gordon?) was holding court. Well, it ended up ringing. If you’ve heard my cell phone ring you know it’s the Keyboard Cat song and, yes, it was also my ringtone in the dream.

Commissioner Gordon stopped the meeting, picked up the phone and began asking who it belonged to.

I played it off and looked around disgusted, but the phone went off again and again and again.

Pretty soon I had no other choice but to go up and get my Keyboard Cat ringtone phone. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy, but I just ignored them and climbed up on some boxes to check who was calling. This is where the dream ended.

So people, your calls are important to me but please don’t call me when I’m filling in for Batman.

War against the debt ceiling

So the country's debt ceiling has been reached, or to put it in layman's terms "America has maxed out its credit cards." If the federal government can't get another card it will only be able to pay a little less than half its bills. Yeah, less than half.

I wish I could say "so what, the federal government is run by a bunch of ego maniacs, let them go bankrupt" but I can't. If the government can't get another card it would be a pretty big deal. Suddenly Congress would be making decisions like, should we pay US soldiers, grandma's medicare or Joe College's financial aid. On a global scale, not getting another card would cause the US's credit rating to drop and, more than likely, tank the stock market. Bye-bye retirement investments!

However unlike you or I, the federal government can essentially create its own new credit card. All Congress has to do is get together and agree on the terms of the new card. Yes, they would have to agree on something and in the poisonous environment of Washington the chances of that are slim to none.

Both Democrats and Republicans agree that we need the new credit card and that the terms of getting the new card should include a plan to lower the US debt so something like this doesn't happen again. The sticking point is how do they lower the debt. Dems want a two-pronged attack with cuts and new revenue (read: new taxes/ letting the Bush tax cuts expire). Reps want a plan totally made up of cuts, which would require them to take a knife to sacred cows like Medicare and Social Security.

HOLD ON PEOPLE! What I haven't heard from anyone on either side or those on no side is the fact that the country is currently engaged in three wars: Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya. THREE WARS! The military is already expensive, having the military in one war even more so, in two even more and in three, holy hell it's a financial smelting plant.

Check this out. Yes, it is legit: www.costofwar.com

Normally when countries enter wars they ask their populace to take part, to sacrifice. During WWII the US populace bought war bonds, planted victory gardens and rationed their purchases of countless items. When the US entered these wars, Washington under the Bush Administration cut taxes. YOU DO NOT CUT TAXES DURING WAR TIME.

We are still at war, and as such the whole country must step up and fight it. It can't be fought only on the backs of the elderly, single mothers and soldiers with cuts to social services. Taxes on all must be part of the plan to lower the debt, as the debt is built on the costs of the wars we are fighting. Yes, it may hurt but it's not just the military at war, it's the whole country.

whose birthday?

This is very odd; I forgot my birthday is coming up. I’m not sure how this happened. I’ve felt a little out of sorts the past week or so and time really has been flying by. Seems I sleep, go to work, come home and sleep some more. That’s something else, I’ve really been craving sleep. I’ll look at the clock at 7 PM and think, “Wow, I should go to sleep now.” I’m not really sleepy but sleep sounds absolutely fantastic all the time. Maybe it’s because the weather has been very rainy and cloudy. I always feel like I get a bit depressed when it’s like this and nothing fits with depression better than sleep. Anyway, where was I…oh, birthday. Some family members are having me over this weekend, they said they needed some help at their new house. I bet they’re going to take me out for a beer or something. I only remembered because my good friend e-mailed me and asked what I was doing on my birthday. That’s when I looked at the calendar and thought, “Oh shit, my birthday is in a few days.” Hmm, that a little weird when other have to remind you when your birthday is.

Sometimes you feel like you know someone

So I was messing around on the Internets a few days ago and decided to see if I could find an old friend.

Like everyone else (but me) he’s on Facebook but there was also something else, a video mentioned on a few sites done in cooperation with his church and posted earlier this year. The description mentioned “sanctity of life,” so I figured it for a church anti-abortion bit. It is, but it’s a bit more than that.

At first, I actually had a hard time determining if it was him. He’s gained a bit of weight in his face, he’s sporting a goatee and it appears he’s dying his hair jet black. Also, his voice is different. It was odd because I’d look at him talking on the recording and be sure it was him, and then I’d look back and have second thoughts. Anyway, it is him, the timeline fits, the location matches and he mentions his wife by name.

So the video is anti-abortion but specifically about the ONE, TWO, THREE abortions he pushed his high school girlfriends into!

Three?!?! Three?!?!

Now, this guy was no Lothario. It means nothing these days, but on the high school social ladder I wouldn’t hesitate to place him one or two steps below me. Don’t get me wrong I was nothing special, but besides being a Dungeons and Dragons playing comic reading geek, I played football and was captain of the wrestling team. He was a Dungeons and Dragons playing geek and a band geek. Although, he did begin running track his junior or senior year, not with any great success but it did keep him active which is good.

Now, I had always suspected that he had impregnated his first girlfriend during his junior year of high school. The girlfriend’s sister and her sister’s boyfriend hated him more than normal. (Of course, part of that was that he was three or four years her senior, but there was always a little extra spite in their eyes.)

Without a doubt the second and third abortions took place when he was dating his second girlfriend. It was probably his junior year and once again she was three or four years his junior and very immature.

Although I hung out with him all the time, I probably only met her two or three times. The first time, he invited another friend and I to her birthday party. We didn’t stay long as it was like going to a party for little girls three or four years younger than us. (Now three or four years isn’t that big of a deal once you’re over 25, but at 17 that means she’s 14 or 13 and the maturity gap is huge.) After that, I always got the feeling that he was embarrassed by her so he kept the two relationships separate.

I was pretty sure that he was diddling her. For one thing, he told me that sometimes he stayed the night at her house, and for another, it seemed that he could get both these early girlfriends to do anything he wanted them to. Just the way he talked about them made me think that he had them eating out of his hand. He was, after all, the cooler older guy.

He’s now a husband, the father of several girls and a man of the church; which is another thing I never saw coming. I hope he’s well, but damn three! And while I knew him! Or maybe, I never really did.

Fucking animals

I was listening to the radio this morning and heard a news story about Egyptian Muslims who upon hearing that a local Muslim girl had been caught with a Christian boy decided she should be put to death. When her father refused, they killed him and then went and burned down the local Catholic church. This of course led to more bloodshed and has both sides calling for revenge.

My first thought upon hearing this was, “What a bunch of fucking animals.”

This sentiment was not only aimed at Muslims but at the Middle East in general. I’m not usually one to damn the many for the actions of the few and I fully realize that to do so is wrong, but that was honestly the first thing that came to mind.

I guess I’ve succumbed to Muslim violence overload that media is bombarding me with. It’s all too much. All the tails of inhuman violence taking place in the Middle East, and parts of Africa and Asia dominated mainly by Islam has broken me down.

With this in mind I went to work and came across a news story about an 11-year-old girl who was gang raped by upwards of 15 men and boys in a small town outside of Houston Texas . It seems that many of the people in the town are blaming the girl for being a harlot. Ughh, again my reaction was, “What a bunch of freaking animals.”

This time the sentiment was not only aimed at the people who were involved but at small town Texas inhabitants in general. Again, I know it’s wrong but Sweet Freaking Beejeezuz people, what the fuck is wrong with you?

It’s not Muslims or small town hicks, it’s everyone, they’re all animals. At least 50 percent of the people in the world are animals. You have to assume that everyone you meet is an animal until they prove otherwise.

BEWARE!!

Take me to your leader

Interesting Mysterious Universe released today which weirdly involved something I’ve been reading and thinking about lately…artificial intelligence.

It seems that a leading AI researcher has predicted that the event known as the singularity will happen around the year 2045. For those not in the know, the singularity is the point when computers will become self aware. I’m actually surprised that it will take this long to reach that point as technology advances exponentially.

Just this last week Watson, the IBM computer, played Jeopardy against the two best human players to ever play the game and beat them. The technology behind Watson is amazing. Sure, humans built and programmed Watson, but without human tampering Watson “listened” to the questions, “comprehended” them, analyzed them and then answered them. Here is a very cool story about Watson: http://venturebeat.com/2011/02/17/ibm-researcher-explains-what-watson-gets-right-and-wrong/

It’s all very fascinating and a little scary. Now, I’m not too worried about robots rising up and taking over, but I do worry about them further pushing humans from many menial labor jobs. Fast food service, customer service, sales…I would think that more and more of these jobs and others are bound to disappear. With a population that is continually growing this has the makings of a perfect storm.

But I guess we’ve been dealing with a human labor versus technology clash for a long time. The Internet has changed the way people shop and have succeeded in all but burying traditional brick and mortar retail venues. Video rental stores, book stores and music stores have been replaced with Netflix, Amazon and iTunes. And that’s not all, newspapers are dying, the yellow pages are dead, maps are being replaced with GPS, magazines are going bye-bye, television is slowly but surely losing ground to steaming media and traditional radio is not going to be around for much longer with things like Pandora.

Sure, new opportunities arise but I doubt that they’ll ever generate the labor numbers needed. I guess that is what technology is supposed to do though, make things easier and cheaper by eliminating manual labor. When all labor is eliminated will we all live lives of luxury and leisure or will it just exacerbate the difference between the haves and have-nots?

Well, whatever the outcome, I for one am going to welcome our new robot masters.

Link: Technology has been used in this story to catch a cat burglar…who is a cat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDX7tevXO1E&feature=player_embedded

Conservatives, you're fired!

“Here’s how wide open the 2012 race for the Republican presidential nomination is as the games begin: When Donald Trump showed up Thursday as a last-minute speaker at this year’s Conservative Political Action Conference, he got a standing ovation.” McClatchyhttp://www.sacbee.com/2011/02/11/3394118/conservative-crowd-sizes-up-candidates.html

What? Was there someone with even nominal political acumen standing behind him? Maybe Rand or Ron Paul? Bobby Jindal? Huckabee? Jeb Bush?

Maybe the report got it wrong. What they meant to write was: “When Donald Trump showed up, attendees scratched their heads and looked at one another in confusion.”

That would make much more sense. If it is in fact written correctly…I mean, come on conservatives, chronically bankrupt, shill for anything, reality television, multiple divorcee…that Donald Trump.

First Palin and now this, can you guys actually distinguish the difference between leaders and entertainers?

the horror and the beauty of 4chan

I’ve been surfing the dread 4chan.org, one of the most notorious Web sites on these here intertubes. The rumors are true; it is the foulest, most disgusting, misogynistic, racist, homophobic and downright vile collection of posts to ever be collected. From child and furry pr0n to crime scene photos and other violent imagery, it’s there.

Interested in destroying your ex-girlfriends life, just ask the users of 4chan to bring down her facebook page and order her 1,000 large pizzas. It’ll happen.

Want to drive your neighbor insane, post his address and phone number on 4chan and he’ll soon be the victim of hundreds of prank calls, vandalism and who knows what else.

For 4chan isn’t just a small time thug. It looks like it has played heavily in several big criminal cases: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/internet/another-4chan-user-gets-busted-fbi

Still, 4chan is not without its humanity, and even dare I say…beauty. I don’t mean someone dumping their fap folder out of the goodness of their heart. (Definition: posting the pictures and stories stored on their computer that they use for masturbation to the Web site so that others can also masturbate to them.)

I’ve witnessed depressed teens actually get real, decent advice. I’ve seen amateur artists share fantastic work and receive great praise. I’ve followed along as teams of users work together to solve a difficult puzzle. I have waited anxiously with other users as an amateur writer has spun a tale of suspense.

It’s odd, but even in a place as evil as 4chan people seem to find solace. Anonymous posters feel free to share their passions, their disappointments and their very touching stories. They invite other users into their lives to share their tragedy and their triumph, something no doubt they would never do face to face.

In an odd way 4chan is the worst of the Internet but also shares some of the Internet’s most redeeming qualities.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I would never suggest anyone visit 4chan; it is an awful place and the small points of light to be found must be mined from piles of putrid human detritus. But, in a weird way, maybe that’s part of 4chan’s “charm.” When you visit, you never know what to expect and you’re always bound to be shocked, in other words, every visit is a horrifying adventure.

fanatically interested in religion

A new study says that Atheists and Agnostics know more about religion than do religious people. Now, the study doesn’t say that the godless know more about, say Christianity than Christians, but about religion in general. It’s hypothesized that the reason for this is that most Agnostics and Atheists were religious at one time and that their choice to become nonbelievers was one they really studied and thought hard about, this includes studying what others believe.

I know my own godlessness came only after a thorough review of many religious beliefs, including those of Catholicism and Protestantism, the two religions in which I was raised. If I can toot my own horn and that of other Agnostics and Atheists, this seems both an intelligent and thoughtful way to look at the issue. After all, this is a choice which many consider to be of soul-saving importance.

This is exactly what bothers me about the conclusion of this study. It leads me to believe that religious people studied no other religions before they decided to adopt their one true faith. More than likely their parents indoctrinated them at a young age and they just continued on believing. This seems a bit odd when it comes to, like I said, a decision of soul-saving importance.

The study also shows that many don’t know some of the basic tenets of their own faith. Again, it doesn’t say that Jews know more about Islam than Muslims, but that Muslims may not know all that much about Islam. This doesn’t particularly surprise me in that many of the most fanatically religious seem to only know and really stick to certain tenets of their religion. For example, for some Catholics of a certain ilk it’s not important to know every one of the 10 Commandments but they’ll memorize every single psalm, stanza or verse in the bible that damns homosexuality (and they will endlessly spew them out whenever they get the chance.) Whoops, sorry about that. Assholes have been getting on my nerves during this election season.

Veering away from the results of this interesting study to my own personal babblings, I think it takes some balls to be fanatically religious. Why? Well in the first place, there isn’t a lot of fact/proof to back up religious beliefs. When questioned about their religion, the intelligent religious will say that it’s all a matter of faith and leave it at that because there is no 2+2=4 in religion. To argue anything else reminds me of the arguments of those with deep beliefs in most conspiracy theories when they are called on to defend themselves. For example, I would expect the same reasoning from someone defending their fanatical belief in UFO’s as I would from a fanatical Mormon practitioner.

The second reason I think it takes balls to be fanatically religious is the constant contradictions that they have to live with. For example, in the King James Bible, there are the straight forward crazy things like rules for stoning women who aren’t virgins on their wedding night (Deuteronomy 22: 13-21) contrasted with the commandment “Thou Shall Not Murder.” Come on, can I kill her or not? What about my neighbor who mows his lawn on the Sabbath? Can I punish him for not keeping it holy or will god do it later?

Then there are the contradictions the religious must deal with that aren’t so black and white. Can someone who follows the teachings of the bible support wars where people will be killed in their name? Can they vote for a politician who supports said war? Can they live in a country where their tax dollars go to buy bullets that will be used to kill others?

No doubt these are tough questions they must think about, and these are only some of the most obvious contradictions from only one religion.

Even as a godless heathen I find the topic of religion fascinating, and with examining this little slice of it even more so. I think a little more study is in order.

Love your Geek

Geek Love: A Novel
By Katherine Dunn

What do you do if you run a freak show and you start running out offreaks? Well, if you're Lil and Art, you impregnate Lil and then have her eat, drink and smoke everything pregnant ladies shouldn't get within 10 feet of. Sure, you'll end up with a few mistakes, or miscarriages as some people like to call them, but there will also be a few successes. Lil and Art get lucky a few times and have a boy with flippers where his arms and legs should be, an albino dwarf daughter with a hunchback and a pair of Siamese twins who share a pair of legs.

Sounds pleasant, no?

Yeah, Geek Love: A Novel is pretty crazy. It's not so much a horror novel but it has many of the genre's characteristics. There are malformed human sociopaths, murders, dismemberment, maggots, cults and sex. On top of this, the whole thing has that greasy feeling, like how your hair feels after you don't wash it for a few days.

The book follows the Now-and-Then story style in that it's the story of an Albino Dwarf Hunchback during two phases of her life. The first phase encompasses her youth, as her and the rest of the family freak show travel around the United States enchanting locals with their, well, freakishness. Things are great until Lil and Art have another child, a boy who seems to have no deformities but is telekinetic. While this might seem to present a whole slew of opportunities, it instead heralds massive family turmoil. Artie the flippered Aqua-Boy begins a cult, the Siamese twin sisters begin experimenting with sex and somewhere along the line a half-dead horse has its legs surgically removed but still manages to run around the circus.

Yeah, it's unpleasant stuff and can only end badly and it does.

The second phase of the story follows the Albino Dwarf Hunchback in her later years. She works in radio, secretly stalks the daughter she had with her Aqua-Boy brother and becomes friends with a woman who pays beautiful women to permanently disfigure themselves.

Again, this can't end well and it doesn't.

So many bad endings...see it's a bit like a horror novel. Anywho, Dunn's writing is strong and the characters are interesting. There are two plot lines, the first (the Then part) is a bit stronger but the second (the Now part) isn't bad but seems like it was tacked on. It could easily have been its own short story.

The problem I had with Geek Love was that I had to suspend my disbelief a bit too much for my liking. Sure I can go along with things like crazy hillbilly cannibals and heroes who forget to bring maps when they enter the Soul Sucking Forest of the Dark Lords in a horror or action novel but in a more realistic, sort of dramatic novel (that was actually a finalist for the National Book Awards) I demand a bit more. For example, who is going to join a cult where the ultimate goal of membership is to have all your limbs amputated so all that is left is a torso? It might be me, but I just don't see that many people lining up for that kind of elective surgery.

In all, Geek Love did keep me reading. I was anxious to see what crazy thing would happen next and Dunn doesn't disappoint. The crazy train just keeps chugging along!

There, but not there

There’s a newish theory out there that some, if not all paranormal entities (aliens, Sasquatch, Loch Ness Monster, ghosts) are actually creatures from other dimensions. These creatures are said to occasionally fall into, peek into or visit our dimension on purpose or by accident.

I find this theory very intriguing. It explains all the weird things people see and why there is never any solid evidence of these paranormal entities found.

See, on the one hand I believe that too many people have seen too many weird things to discount them all. The Mothman, dragons, Spring Heeled Jack, the Houston Batman, the alien dirigibles of the 1800’s, UFO’s, Loch Ness, ghosts, vampires, werewolves, demons and on and on and on have been reported for years. Sure some people are just making up stories for attention, but all of them? No way, I just don’t see the numbers adding up for everyone lying or seeing something that isn’t there.

On the other hand, I’m also someone who needs more proof than a badly edited video or a blurry photo. I want Sasquatch bones or an alien skull.

If these creatures are from another dimension I’m clear on both fronts. I can believe that people are having strange encounters with otherworldly beings but that these creatures are non-corporeal and don’t stay long enough in our world to leave their mark.

Fear and Mosques at Ground Zero

Everybody is up in arms about the plans for building an Islamic mosque/Muslim Activity Center at New York’s Ground Zero.

In a way I can understand the opposition; I mean the evil bastards who flew planes into the World Trade Center towers believed they were honoring the precepts of Islam.
Islam + Mosque at the Site Where Radical Muslims Slaughtered Thousands of Americans = Anger.

I would think Anger is a pretty normal reaction in situations like this. For example, I don’t imagine that Muslims and Jews were too happy when Christian crusaders sacked Jerusalem and started building churches everywhere.

On the other hand, what could be more in the spirit of American acceptance and tolerance than a mosque at Ground Zero? Wouldn’t it show that we’re open minded and don’t damn the majority for the actions of a few? That we, as Americans, truly accept our tolerant Muslim brothers and sisters?

But, we don’t. Click the link above and you’ll see that 62 percent of New Yorkers oppose the mosque plans. The public won’t say it, but many Americans fear and mistrust Muslims they don’t personally know. Again, while I don’t condone these thoughts, I understand where they come from.

At the moment, Islam is not coming off as a bright shining bastion of all that is “good” in the world. I’d argue that few religions do, but Islam is doing a particularly horrible job of it right now, a bit like Catholicism during the age of the Inquisition.

Sure the deck is stacked against it, and much of the deck has been stacked by us (unending wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, dependence on oil, refusal to believe that Israel can do anything wrong). But even if Americans ignore everything that is happening in the Middle East, Africa and Asia, we can’t ignore the Muslim father in Arizona who ran over his daughter because she was too westernized, that many mosques in the United States are still intolerant of women or that MF’er who killed US soldiers in FT. Hood. Why? Because it’s happening right here on American soil, right here in front of our big-fat American faces.

I’m well aware that violence and intolerance run rampant throughout all religions but we seldom get it here on camera and on home soil. All this plus knowing that Muslims committed the worst attack on American soil ever is just too much for some folks.

Now a group of Muslims want to build a mosque/activity center on Ground Zero….of course people are going to be pissed off. They don’t like or trust Muslims for all of the above reasons.

But is building a mosque on sacred ground a good idea? Yes, it would symbolize all that is good and right about America.

Should the mosque be built? No, of course not. Many people will view it as another Islamic kick in the American crotch. It’s poking at a hornets’ nest. It’s bad PR, really bad PR and it’s going to cause some Americans to dislike Muslims even more.

Whomever is heading these plans is doing a real disservice to kind and decent Muslims in America.

Guilty of Reading The Girl Next Door

The Girl Next Door
By Jack Ketchum

As children, I’d be willing to bet that nearly every person commits one or more minor crimes. Whether you lift a candy bar from the supermarket on a dare, sneak a look at your Dad’s Playboy Magazines or write graffiti on a school wall, the act can make your heart race. There’s fear, but also a sense of exhilaration that you might get caught.

If you’re like me, after the exhilaration came the guilt, guilt that someone somewhere was hurt by your actions. When I got older and got into a few punch-ups, whether I was on the winning or losing side, I still felt guilty. This guilt could last for quite some time and leave me pretty depressed.

Whatever guilt I felt is nothing compared to what the main character of Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door feels. But then again, the crimes committed by David and the other kids in his neighborhood are way….way…way worse then anything I and 99.9 percent of children ever do.

Sure, they are goaded on by a woman slowly going insane but even the usually kind David, who knows what’s taking place is wrong, participates in the crimes. It’s freaking awful but oh, so well captured by the author. David’s guilt is palpable and unnerving and sits over the book like an anvil.

Guilt isn’t the only feeling Ketchum expertly captures in this novel. The tension is thick and sits heavy over the proceedings. It’s suffocating and as the violence ramps up it just gets worse and worse. Just when you can’t take it anymore the tension breaks, but…it breaks for a morbid scene of horror!

This novel is a runaway train, you can’t stop it and it will not stop for you. Ketchum’s writing is excellent this time around. He captures the mentality of children and the horror of insanity in gruesome reality. The “on screen” violence isn’t as gory and over the top as something like Ketchum’s Off Season, but that is what makes it so awful. It’s realistic and therefore horrifying and evil.

Read it!

(I assume every fan of horror literature knows this story but if not, here is a quick synopsis: girl goes to live with aunt after parents die, nutty aunt tortures girl and gets the neighborhood kids to join in. It’s based on a true story.)

Combat in Zero-G

I saw Christopher Nolan’s Inception this weekend, what a trip! Great movie, sure to be noticed come awards season.

It’s definitely action oriented, although I wouldn’t call it an action movie. It’s definitely thrilling, but I wouldn’t call it a thriller. It has sci-fi elements, but it’s not really sci-fi. It’s all these and none of them, like if The Matrix, The Bourne Identity and Heat had a baby.

The acting is top-notch but with a cast like it has, that’s to be expected. The direction flows seamlessly from action to drama and Nolan’s script has enough depth and complexity that it should keep audiences talking for a bit. I don’t think its premise will generate the scholarly debate The Matrix’s did but it is definitely interesting.

See it!

(This movie has convinced me that I need more zero-g combat training.)

Here’s what I’m listening to on the Web: http://www.skeptiko.com/ and http://mysteriousuniverse.org/.

Reading Rainbow

Hollywood Monster
By Robert Englund and Alan Goldsher

One, two Freddy’s coming for you…

This autobiography skips along like a nursery rhyme singing school girl. It begins with young Krueger…I mean Englund…joining an acting group for the sole purpose of picking up on girls and ends with him holding his current title of horror movie icon.

It’s a fun journey that sees Englund as a joker, husband, college student, stage snob, divorcee, struggling character actor, television star and movie star. Each section in his life is briefly described and a short story or two is shared from that period of time. The stories are light and easy and I found it disappointing that he never dips more than a gloved knife finger into waters that could run very, very deep. For example, you won’t find out how Englund feels about violence, the role he feels horror plays in society or what if any memory he channels to play a vicious child killer.

You will however discover the he loves women. It seems that not a page goes by where he isn’t mentioning the assets of a nubile young co-star or the biker chick who had him autograph her breasts.

Another thing you take away from the book is how appreciative Englund is of all those who have participated in his journey. He praises just about everyone from Henry Fonda to Jan-Michael Vincent and never has a bad word for anyone.

All in all, it’s an enjoyably quick read but too shallow to have any lasting effect.

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Recently, I’ve been a reading machine.

I don’t know if it’s my vow of celibacy or my reduced alcohol consumption but I just can’t stop reading.

Since Christmas I’ve read:

Jack Ketchum’s Off Season – see my earlier review.

Robert E. Howards’s The Savage Tales of Solomon Kane – Howard is the king of high adventure! His stories about the puritan Kane are exciting, bloody and always a welcome punch to the imagination.

Robert Englund’s Hollywood Monster: A Walk Down Elm Street with the Man of Your Dreams - see above.

Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s Good Omen’s: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch – a very funny tale about a demon and an angel who unite to stop the end of the world from taking place. Why? Because they’ll miss the food, wine, music and other creature comforts the world currently offers.

Louis Sachar’s Holes – an award-winning children’s book about a kid who is sent to a prison camp where they do nothing but dig holes. The background story is magical.

I’m currently a little less than halfway through Edward Lee’s Black Train – oh, lordy. This book is disgustingly wrong in so many ways but I can’t wait to see what happens.

Brutally Off Season

Off Season
By Jack Ketchum

This book is filled with cannibal children, incest, torture, blood, death, mutilation, inbreeds, sex, throat slashing, woman-on-a-spit nastiness and I read it in the span of a few hours.

I’ll spare you a long synopsis on story and character development because there is none. All you really need to know is this: Cannibal Hillbillies versus Yuppies. It’s the Scottish legend of Sawney Bean and the remake of “The Hills Have Eyes” rolled up in “Straw Dogs.” Story not required. Too bad it is needed to create a truly terrifying book.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe this is Ketchum’s first novel but he already seemed a veteran at pacing action scenes and in describing blood drenched horrors in nauseating detail. What he wasn’t so good at was all that other stuff that normally goes into a novel: dialogue, character and all that.

Because these basic concepts are poorly constructed or nonexistent you never feel for the characters. Neither are you ever able to put yourself in their place or feel connected to their surroundings.

Still, even with these failings the book is not bad. It’s a slasher setup, pure and simple. If that is what you’re after, you’ll love it. I look forward to reading more of Ketchum’s stuff when I need a break from other weighty tomes I might be consuming.

Violently hoaxed

I recently wrote this to a friend who e-mailed me with a forward. He said he was disappointed with President Obama and that e-mails like the one he included were getting to him. The e-mail in question had a photo of the president at an event that involved the military. According to the photo description the president refused to salute during a ceremony honoring the soldiers killed in the Ft. Hood massacre:

I can understand being disappointed in a politician, but I’d base that disappointment on something more tangible than a mislabeled photo.

Pics don’t always have to be Photoshopped to be hoaxes, instead they can just be falsely attributed or described. That’s the case here. The photo isn’t from Fort Hood, it’s not taken as the honor guard passes and it wasn’t at an event to honor the soldiers killed at Ft. Hood.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/photos/veteransday.asp

President Obama isn’t a Muslim, a Kenyan, a terrorist, a member of the New World Order or a vampire. He doesn’t hate the military, freedom, the US, babies or apple pie. He is a smart guy who loves his country and wants to make it a better place. However, he is/was a bit naïve and overestimated the things he thought he’d be able to accomplish in a year.

The fraudsters that create this crap and the e-mailers who forward it are really starting to piss me off. Instead of offering up deserved criticism that can lead to intelligent debate and actual change for the better they prey on the base fears of an overworked, stressed demographic trying to scratch through what is an extremely difficult time in our country.

It could be argued that the extreme division they’re creating in the populace is as dangerous as some of the real terror we face from foreign enemies. I fear that it may be creating a perfect environment for unjustified violence.

Anyway, sorry to get all up in arms, I hope all is well. We haven’t spoken a while. I’ll give you a call this weekend.

Supreme Futtbucker

The Supreme Court is in session and the judges are out of their minds. Well, some of them are and surprise, surprise they all lean conservative. Although, this really shouldn’t be important as the issue seems totally nonpartisan to me, but anyway…

Their most recent decision undoes a century’s worth of campaign finance limitations on corporations, unions, non-profits and other group entities. In essence, it allows these organizations to have even more influence on who is elected to federal office.

Under the old system Widget Corporation (who makes widgets) could only spend a limited amount of money to run campaign ads in support of Presidential candidate Shamus Futtbucker. This ruling could make it possible for them to spend as much as their little heart desires, saturating all media with ads for Futtbucker.

Knowing this, Widget Corporation approaches Futtbucker with a proposition. They tell him they will bury the United States in ads championing him and trashing his opponents if, once in office, he’ll throw them a few bones i.e. lowering taxes on widgets, doing away with widget safety regulations and providing widget makers with federal funds for widget research.

What’s Futtbucker to do? He does what every other politician who wants to win does, he agrees.

If you don’t think situations like the above happen you’re serious deluded. They happen all the time and it’s extremely undemocratic. It negates all that great “Of the people, by the people and for the people” stuff the country was built on.

The question remains, why did conservative judges vote the way they did? Currently, conservative are screaming populism, the rule of the people and democracy in action as the reason for the upset victory of Republican Scott Brown in Massachusetts. It’s a slam against Obama they say! The people are not happy!

Will the people be happier if big money interests have more say in politics?

Guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Saw the movie, Crazy Heart last night. Jeff Bridges is great and Robert Duval, as always, is awesome! You can check out one of the songs on the movie’s Web site, here:

http://www.foxsearchlight.com/crazyheart/

Screwed

California is totally screwed. Our economy is in the dumps and the state’s credit rating was cut again. While it seems to me that all eyes should be focused on budget fixes the state’s legislature disagrees and dithers about with issues like the legalization of marijuana.

Here at my state department, we’re still pumping money into the economy with a big Executive staff trip to Sonoma for Strategic Planning and a project to plate the outside of our building with faux granite panels. Meanwhile social programs, state park hours, home care provider support, etcetera, etcetera sit precariously on the chopping block.

Sure, we’re not part of the general fund but in a case like this all state coffers should be pried open like sardine tins and the money placed where it’s needed most.

The state employees’ union hasn’t done the state or its members any favors. The governor has instituted furlough days, slashing state worker pay by 14 percent. Yes, this sucks but the union has been reactive instead of proactive. They currently have state courts tied up with lawsuits trying to stop and block furloughs and pay cuts. All this court time has so far cost the state a half million dollars more of its general fund monies. Thanks SEUI, it’s a little too late and…oh, a half million bucks short.

They should have worked with the governor and the legislature to jointly cut state personnel costs. Lend a hand in coming up with solutions, i.e. releasing all student assistants and retired annuitants, instituting a hiring freeze, beginning individual office audits, rethinking the state worker pension formula, canceling some contracts and looking over others.

Speaking of audits, I can’t forget the California Performance Review that CA Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had done when he first took office. An investigatory panel stuffed four fat books with suggestions on how to save state money and how to better serve the public. To my knowledge, the State Legislature ignored most and the Governor backed down on many things in the report. This was probably a bad idea because according to the nonpartisan Legislative Analyst Office:

“LAO’s Bottom Line. The CPR provides the state with a valuable opportunity to comprehensively examine how it does business. It has made a serious effort at rethinking the current organization of state government and how it delivers services to the people of California . We find that many of its individual recommendations would move California toward a more efficient, effective, and accountable government.

At the same time, the rationale for some of its reorganization proposals is not clear, it does not examine whether the state should continue to perform certain functions, and many of its fiscal savings estimates are overstated.

For these reasons, it will be important for the Legislature to evaluate the merits of the proposals individually, looking at their policy trade-offs, their likely effectiveness, and their fiscal implications.

The Legislature also may wish to consider broadening the scope of reforms offered by CPR to include a more comprehensive examination of the state and local tax system, the role of constitutional officers, the state’s system of funding education, and the relationship between state and local government.”

Sad.

Here’s is more sadness, but at least it’s from the French:

http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/01/11/star-wars-dance-video/