Thursday, August 13, 2009

G.I. The Loudest American Hero

I went with my Dad to watch the G.I. Joe movie last Friday. We hit the theatre for the first showing; I had a furlough day and he doesn’t work on Fridays so it was perfect. I forgot that the kids were out of school but the audience, made up of mostly teenagers, was surprisingly well behaved. Dad got a large soda, after all as the lady behind the counter explained it’s only 25 cents more than the medium…he got up twice to use the loo.

What stood out for me most is that the movie was loud…very, very loud. By far it was the loudest movie I have ever seen. Automatic weapons fire, laser pings, crashing cars, exploding bombs, falling buildings, screaming people, clashing swords, breaking glass, it was all there in ear splitting surround sound. Even my Dad, who is an action movie junkie, was bothered by the blare.

Still, it didn’t keep him from thoroughly enjoying himself. After all, it had guns, karate, and big breasted women in tight clothing. I think we were only 10 minutes in before he said something about the female leads needing to take their clothes off. Yeah, he’s “that” guy.

Anyway, I’m rambling today, there is no story, the plot is ridiculous, the acting is crap, the dialogue is worthless and there is not a shred of humanity throughout the entire piece. (There are so many unseen civilian casualties I have no doubt that the whole Joe Team would easily be convicted of war crimes.) However, the explosions the civilians die in are pretty damn cool.

In short, the movie is big, dumb, LOUD but fun. This is mostly due to the excellent pacing. It rumbles from one action scene to the next like Godzilla stomping through Tokyo . You don’t really care who lives or who dies, if the hero gets the girl or if Snake Eyes talks. Instead, you get this kind of blood lust where and the only thing that’s important is seeing what the director will blow up, smash or mangle next.

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